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Management Concepts
Here's a short, 3-minute course on ManagementConcepts.
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife isfinishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wrapsherself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there standsBob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you$800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops hertowel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. Whenshe gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob thenext door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great!' the husband says, 'did he sayanything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story: If you share critica l information pertaining to credit and risk withyour shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidableexposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossedher legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nunsaid, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changinggears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized. 'Sorry sister but theflesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on herway. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. Itsaid, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a greatopportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the managerare walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and aGenie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Mefirst! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says thesales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of PinaColadas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Geniesays to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the officeafter lunch.'
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and donothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the groundbelow the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on therabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very highup.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to beable to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got theenergy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied thebul l. 'They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, andfound it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of thetree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of thetree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral ofthe story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It wasso cold the bird froze and fell to the g round into a large field. While he waslying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird laythere in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dungwas actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon beganto sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy; 2) Not everyone whogets you out of the shit is your friend; (3) And when you're in deep shit, it'sbest to keep your mouth shut!
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